He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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