He uses pillows to masturbate.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
All I want is dick and wine.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
