Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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