Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
