so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
