Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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