Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
