So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
