the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
