when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
