the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
