She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am midnight drunk by noon
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
