What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
farters have to be the big spoon...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
