Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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