i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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