I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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