Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
