I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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