my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
