Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
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I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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