Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
