My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Randomize
