The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
