You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
