He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
