I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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