His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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