did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
