Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
