I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.