Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear