i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon