I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
