please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
