why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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