I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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