go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
