Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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