and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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