Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
