I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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