so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
