I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
