no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
