we have officially mastered the walk of shame
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
