i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Randomize
