I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
