we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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