have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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