whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
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I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
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Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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