you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
