On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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