dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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