Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
