i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
