I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
