I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Randomize
