So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
