It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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