My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
