i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
