im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
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I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
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OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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