You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
