I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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