Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Can you bring me the toilet please
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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