if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize