I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
