So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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