hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He shit in the fireplace
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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