Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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