I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
