I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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