My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
