we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
