He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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