Three words: puerto rican gang bang
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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