If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
